Leading Others While Learning About Myself

Sometimes people think that when you are leading a kaupapa you have it all figured out. The truth is I am still figuring myself out every single day.

As I step deeper into this 35 week challenge I have been learning more about my own patterns than I expected. I have realised how much of my past trauma has shaped the way I live work and lead. I have learned why I leaned on certain habits for comfort why I sometimes pushed myself until I burned out and why I felt the constant need to prove myself. Facing those truths has not been easy but it has been necessary.

One of the biggest lessons has been about delegation. People sometimes assume that when they come on board the mahi should already be finished but the truth is that is exactly why I need to contract and hire people. The job needs to be done properly and if I could do it all myself I would not need a team. Learning to hand things over after years of carrying everything alone is not an overnight process. It is a habit I built over a lifetime and breaking that habit means learning to build trust that others will do the job that is required.

People also think I am micromanaging everything. What is misunderstood is that I had to build all of this alone so naturally it takes time to hand tasks over. It is not about control it is about transition. Sometimes handing over one task takes hours days even weeks. There are so many moving parts. It is not micromanaging because I enjoy it it is because I am shifting from a place where everything has always relied on me to a space where I can let others carry the weight too.

It is also about finding the right people who can oversee the details hold responsibility and manage the moving parts so I can focus on doing my job to the best of my ability. That shift has been uncomfortable but it has also been freeing.

Leading massive amounts of people for the first time all at once has been a slightly overwhelming journey. It has come during one of the biggest and busiest periods of my life as I embark on the national and international tour of Tangihanga. People say I should have prepared or that I could have done this or that differently but the reality is life does not work like that. I am here now and I am learning this massive lesson right in the middle of the busiest season of my life. I know I am not able to give my absolute best because of all the factors but this is where I am and this is where the growth is happening.

I am also learning patience. I always wanted transformation to happen quickly. I push I strive I try to get everything done at once. But growth does not work that way. Healing does not work that way. It takes time consistency and trust in the process.

And maybe the biggest shift is this. I have always been willing to be vulnerable but now I am willing to be vulnerable even if it means people think I am unprepared or they question why I have not done something. In the past that kind of challenge made me feel like it was a reflection of my inability and that I was incapable. Now I see it differently. I cannot do it all and that is exactly why I am bringing others on board.

So this season for me is about leading while learning guiding while growing. It is messy it is humbling but it is real. And if there is one thing I hope people can take from me it is that you do not need to have it all figured out to lead. You just need to be willing to do the mahi both for yourself and for your people.