Just Because I Can Carry It Doesn’t Mean I’m Meant To

Outgrowing your own patterns is a strange thing because you think growth is going to feel powerful, but a lot of the time it just feels uncomfortable and exposing. This week especially, I have been sitting with the realisation that I am not outgrowing people, I am outgrowing the version of me that thought I had to carry everything.

For years I have lived in capacity mode. How much can I handle. How much can I manage. How many people can I help. How much can I build. I have been the one who steps in, figures it out, takes responsibility even when it is not mine. I have built things, led things, held things together, and I wore that like a badge of honour. I thought that was just who I was. The capable one. The strong one. The one who makes it work.

But lately I have been seeing that a lot of that came from survival, not alignment.

I am noticing I do not want to grow empires where I am managing everything anymore. I do not want a life where growth just equals more pressure on me, more people depending on me, more plates spinning in my head. That used to feel like purpose. Now it feels like weight. I am realising that just because I can hold a lot does not mean I am meant to live that way.

I am also really confronting how often I have put everyone else first. Before me. Before my daughter. Before my energy, my health, my peace. I have overgiven, overextended, overcommitted, and then wondered why I feel stretched thin. Somewhere along the way I linked being good with self sacrifice. Being loving with overdoing. Being strong with doing it alone.

And I am outgrowing that.

I am not tired of creating. I am not tired of working hard. I am tired of doing it in a way where I disappear inside everything I am responsible for. I am tired of being the one who holds it all together while quietly running on empty.

This week I have really been facing the shift of learning to receive help. To share responsibility. To not say yes just because I can. To not automatically step in. That is uncomfortable for me because the old voice still shows up saying you should be able to handle this, they need you, it will fall apart if you do not do it.

But I am learning something new. Just because I can carry something does not mean I am meant to.

Outgrowing your own behaviour is confronting because you cannot point the finger at anyone else. I have had to look at my own habits. My overgiving. My overmanaging. My overresponsibility. And say thank you for getting me here, but you are not coming with me into the next chapter.

This is what a clean slate actually looks like for me right now. Not a new planner. Not a motivational moment. It is changing how I operate at the core. I am not becoming less driven. I am becoming more aligned. I am not caring less. I am finally caring in a way that includes me and my daughter. I am not shrinking my vision. I am refusing to build a life where I lose myself in it.

Outgrowing your patterns is not regression. It is evolution. And right now my growth looks like this. Choosing not to be the woman who carries everything at the cost of herself anymore.