Holding It All While on Tour

People see the stage lights, the ovations, the laughter, and maybe even the tears. They see the magic of the performance and the joy of a kaupapa that connects deeply with whānau and audiences. What most don’t see is what it takes for me to hold it all together behind the scenes.

Touring can be hard. It is not just getting up on a stage and delivering a show, it is carrying my whole life on the road. I am trying to keep organisations running, stay on top of decisions, chase funding, push ticket sales, and promote shows. At the same time, I have my daughter on tour with me. It is actually a blessing that she can come, and I treasure having her alongside me, but it still adds another layer to everything I am already juggling.

I have been sharing a lot of posts about Tangihanga because we are trying to promote and sell tickets. Touring means living in a cycle of performing at night and then hustling during the day to make sure the seats are filled. It is exhausting and constant but it is part of what keeps the kaupapa alive.

It is checking we are at the right place at the right time, making sure we are accommodated, managing travel, eating well, and keeping my energy up without the luxury of just focusing on performing. It is pushing posts, turning up to interviews to support promotion, and sourcing funds all along the way.

Sometimes when you are doing what you love, it still sucks. I have said recently that I feel like I have to drive a lot of the things that I do and I am always trying to find the right people to help. It is not easy and it can be frustrating, but it is part of the journey.

Alongside all of that there are the odd few people who want to give me their feedback on how I can improve becauseof this and that. Never once have I ever gotten on stage and thought this is easy. I do a huge amount of prep behind the scenes to get clear on my characters, my transitions, how I am maintaining the space, how I am moving through the space, how I am clocking my lights based on cues, and how I am landing my sound. People think it is easy to offer me a note like I have not already been doing massive mahi behind the scenes. It is not just a matter of rolling up and doing the tour. It is only me, my daughter, Mumty, and Michael out here on the road.

What people also do not see is that there are some locations where we are actually paying to be there because of the costs of travel and not selling enough tickets. That is part of tour life too. Right now I am personally not getting paid at this stage but I am grateful that I have been able to pay everybody else. That is important to me.

I feel the pressure every single day but I try not to let it affect the team, even though it does. Asking for help is so hard, sometimes it feels easier to carry it all myself even when it is too heavy. I do not always look or feel my best. Some days I feel drained, worn out, and far from the version of myself I want the world to see.

But I keep going because this mahi matters. I have seen the impact Tangihanga has on people, the way it opens space for whānau to laugh, cry, and have conversations they have never had before. That is what pushes me through the exhaustion and the loneliness of carrying it all.

Tour life is not glam, it is hard mahi. People do not know the immensity of the mahi, even my team. But it is also deeply meaningful. So when you see me posting about Tangihanga again, know that behind it is a woman carrying a lot, sometimes struggling, but still standing and still showing up. Your help means a lot, and every share, every bit of support, and every person who spreads the word makes a real difference.