Rest Shouldn’t Feel Like a Luxury

It’s just past 6:00am, and I’ve already been up for an hour and a half. Not because I wanted to be, but because my mind kicked into gear before the sun came up again.

I started with prayer and scripture study. I read from Enos this morning. That image of Enos wrestling before God, not for glory or recognition but for peace, really stayed with me. I get that. I’m in my own wrestle too. Not loud or dramatic, but internal. Heavy.

After that, it was straight into work.

Added social media support to emails

Sent off a task email with a calendar invite

Drafted two MoU agreements and sent them to our Chairman

Sent and added documents to reflect our new Operations Manager

Wrote two new posts and edited this weeks blog

Replied to 9 emails and 5 inbox messages

Followed up on Tangihanga ticket sales. Locked out of one platform, another won’t let me set capacity so sent off emails

Booked the camera for promo and podcast filming

Finished Promo Script

Created my to do list

Updated my calendars

And that’s all before sunrise.

This isn’t a “look how productive I am” post. This is me being honest. Because even with all the support I do have around me, and I do have it, it still feels like I’m figuring out how to shift the weight. How to trust others to carry parts of it. How to delegate in a way that works for everyone, not just for a moment but long-term. Finding the right people.

The truth is, I’m still learning how to not do everything myself. That’s the pattern I’ve had for years. Just get it done. Do it all. Don’t wait. But that way of working isn’t sustainable anymore. And I don’t want it to be.

I want time to rest. I want work-life balance. I want space to breathe, to just be, without guilt. To know the people I’m bringing on are doing their part, holding their roles, and that I don’t need to carry everything all the time.

I’m not alone. I’ve got people. Good people. But I’m in the middle of learning how to let them help in real, meaningful ways. Not just with small tasks, but with leadership, planning, and decision-making. To do their part within this cog I've created. That takes time. Trust. Systems. Patience.

Today I’ve got rehearsals for Tangihanga. That means going through the script, doing a read-through, reconnecting with the work. I’ve got to head to Napier to record 2 voiceovers and to pick up the set. I’ve got three meetings lined up, more marketing to push, finishing off 3 funding applications and a pile of admin and paperwork waiting. About to head off for a walk with my girl and our dogs.

It's a lot. But I’m hopeful this doesn’t have to stay my normal. That I can build something that lets me create and lead without breaking under the pressure of carrying it all. My recent hospital stays making me learn this lesson rather sooner.

This isn’t a cry for help. It’s just the truth. And I know I’m not the only one navigating this. If you're walking beside me, thank you. Truly. I see the effort, the heart, the time. Let’s keep building something better. Not just for the kaupapa, but for the people behind it too.