I have always been open about the many areas in my life. For decades, people used my candor as ammunition against me. You see, vulnerability is defined as "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally". People would use my words, my actions or decisions as a way to bring me down or to sully my name. Vulnerability and sensitivity were always explained to me as something negative. However, as I have gotten older, I realized that being vulnerable has been one of my greatest strengths. I don’t have to hide from the world and it allows me to be myself 100%. I don’t fear or worry what the world thinks of me and that has been a very empowering feeling. Navigating my willingness to be vulnerable has been a journey to make it NORMAL. I am on a mission to help others realize that myself or anyone else being vulnerable doesn’t always mean people insecure or they lack confidence or lack self worth. For me, it means the exact opposite. The more open I have been with areas of my life that many people usually keep hidden, the more confidence I have had to continue to share parts of my life. The good, the bad and everything in between.
"Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness and can be your greatest strength and is not about winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage,” affirms research professor and author Brené Brown in Rising Strong. I totally agree and see there is such misunderstanding about sharing our vulnerability to the world. I share moments that has me receiving comments, or people asking me or messaging me - "Hey, look I watched or saw your post. How is everything? You, ok? Have you ever thought about getting counseling? It is Kristyl having another moment? You need to work on your mental health ... ". The list goes on. Why is it not ok to share moments of vulnerability? Are there people in the world who never struggle, feel insecure, live with loss, have financial burdens, deal with breakups, divorce, homelessness, struggle with their children, dislike their job or feel lost? I have been going through some big learning experiences that have left me feeling emotional and debilitated at times. Those experiences are a part of life's journey because nobody is exempted from struggles. You can have a great life and still be sad or frustrated sometimes. You can be happy and still cry from being overwhelmed. You can love being a parent and still not like moments of the process. You can love yourself and still feel horrible about yourself at times.
So, to paint a picture that people are messed up for having moments in life that are not happy nor positive, that are at times messy, disjointed or in array is insensitive, judgmental and lacking empathy for a reality we all experience. It is better to express, acknowledge and share all the facets of our life than to pretend everything is ok with the appearance of perfection whilst slowly dying inside. With people’s mental health in decline and with an ever-increasing high rate of suicides I would rather share the moments that have me in a fetal position crying, getting up and continuing the struggle than pretending life is always great. I share those human moments so that others hopefully feel less alone.
I love my life and I love what I am doing. However, I have never consistently pushed myself outside of my comfort zone until now. Sometimes it happens more than 10 times a day, so this rarely gives me time to settle and it leaves me in a constant state of shock. But the outcomes of this sacrifice have allowed me to grow faster, hit my goals sooner and help me dream and work on bigger goals. It also consistently confronts me with my limiting beliefs, sitting at a new table, living in a new terrain, connecting me with people who know more than me and those I can learn from. I will continue to be vulnerable because it is my strength allowing me to continue to work on becoming the woman God destined me to be.
Photography Credit: PJ Sheperd
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